Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My bed smells like the plague
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
