we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
