They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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