My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I want a musical about memes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
