I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
