I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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