but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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