Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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