shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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