turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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