dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
