Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
