Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
