i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
