Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
