but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
