p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
