I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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