I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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