4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
