Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
