He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
