I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize