All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
