i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
