i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
