Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize