My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
