I just made out with a guy for $7.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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