So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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