she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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