I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
