Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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