I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I love having hate sex.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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