with your own penis?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
