So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
