If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
