some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
