Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
