So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
