I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
