I think i peed on brittanys purse
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
