yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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