After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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