I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
