just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
