he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
