I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
