Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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