I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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