there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I stole a fireplace last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
