I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you will always have a special place in my vag
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
