The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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