"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
