Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
