I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
