Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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