Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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