butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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