As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
