3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize