Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
