It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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