I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize